Tough Decision

Today I make a decision that determines the outcome of many things, how long can one pretend to be holding it together before the card house collapses?

Kman Productions

Dear Friend

Dear Friend,
The last few days have been tough and I appreciate the effort you have put to cheer me up. I realize that I haven't been the best of individuals to hang around or talk to but you have held your ground. The last few weeks for me have been amongst the hardest I've faced, it's amazing I've made it this far. Life seems to have thrown a monkey wrench into my affairs, it seems like I have a feud with the forces that be. I was counting my glory days trying to organize a reunion with those that matter and this happens. I am sure I have said and done things that have tested the bonds of our friendship. Please accept my apologies for being hard headed and stubborn, I guess now you have seen every aspect of me; the good and the bad.

Dear Friend, if you are still reading this then I guess we are still friends. My heart and soul seem to have lost any will to get over the predicament, yet you stand by me. I don't know when I will resume my life, healed and functional as a friend. Dear friend, please take this note as my thank you letter. I hurt, and continue to ponder on the future. Somehow I know I will emerge victorious but it hurts, please understand. Let me be selfish during this time, I know I will be moody and sometimes really annoying. Dear friend, you don't have to be there for me but you've chosen to be there. I am waiting to see who walks away and who stays, I hope you stay and watch me soldier on.

Everything has a price and I've paid mine, more than I'd like to but I have paid the price. Dear friend, I will need some comforting on Monday, a leaning shoulder on Tuesday, a listening ear on Wednesday, company on Thursday, your encouragement on Friday, Shopping buddy on Saturday and a reminder that I've made it on Sunday. On Monday we will commence the routine all over again. Dear friend please don't utter to me "things happen for a reason", these words are not comforting. These words are a sword that go though me like an heated knife in butter. Dear friend, I know we've been through a lot and there is more to come. Give me sometime and maybe I will resume the spark I once hard, snuffed out by this ordeal I face. Dear friend, we've been through a lot and I appreciate the effort you've made. Thank you dear friend, I love you

Kman Productions......................

Tough decision

It's amazing how we tend to live ourselves by what we feel, if it feels good we do it and vice versa. On most weekends I don't feel like cooking or doing my chores, yes I still have chores to do before the end of the weekend. I have them but I rarely if ever do them, I simply don't feel like it. laundry is done when there is almost nothing left to do. Why? You may ask, I can't stand doing laundry and if there was the option of incinerating my clothes after use, i would sign up to that program. The point is simple, we can't always rely on what we feel to live every aspect of our lives. feelings are great but they are not everything that should dictate to us how to do things or what to do. Take I for instance, I am supposed to be learning about Learning Content Manipulation; I don't feel like it and hence I am blogging.

There are choices that we make that sometimes don't seem to be right, simply because they don't feel right; yet we know they are right. If your having a ailment, it sucks to go see a Dr. but you know it's the right to do. Relationships will be the topic for me for a while, simply because that is where I am at this point and time. Investing in one that doesn't seem to be going anywhere is a costly price, it doesn't feel like it at the time but after taking tally you know pain awaits you. There is what feels right and what is right, it may not necessarily feel right. I think some of the signs of maturity are when we begin to realize that we simply can't live on those feelings for long, emotions and feelings will change with time. They are fickle and are bound to change. I've gone to bed feeling excited only to wake up feeling nauseated, I've watched a movies and felt "touched", watched the same movie and felt nothing. Does that mean I am different? No, I can't rely on my feelings to live my life, they are good but I gotta move beyond that.

Tough decisions have to be made, they don't feel right but you know they will affect your future as you know it. have you opted to cut down on junk food only to wake up the next day craving a burger, chocolate or soft drink? Deep down you know it's not good for you but you want it, you feel like it? What do you do then, get subdued or keep to your goals of reducing on junk. I've made a decision that doesn't feel right as far as relationships go. I know it's the best resolution for me, yet I feel like I lost. Truth is, it's the best decision for me and even though it doesn't feel right, I know the outcome is what is best for me. It doesn't feel like it though, hence my point going beyond living by what you feel like doing. Tough decision, RIGHT DECISION!!


Kman Productions......................

Taking a Back Seat

Take a chill pill and relax, wait a few weeks and 'suss' out the situation. These are words that don't go well with me and probably most guys, gets me in trouble and I keep digging myself into deeper trenches with time. The simple aspect of waiting and giving time to think about situations is a procedure I am not familiar with. How many of us are used to getting answers when we want them and how we want them? I am victim of this paradigm, and it is almost costing me more than I am capable of getting back. My mind would like to sit back and relax but there seems to be two beings in me, the logical one and the other that wants it now and not tomorrow or the day after.

How does one tame the lust, demanding nature of masculinity that haunts most if not all guys? I am talking the desire not to be seen as weak in times of crisis, how do you diligently take a back seat and give the other person the space they need? I've noticed that the more I try to be strong, the worse I find myself. I've been told to simply stop trying, that is like asking a guy not to fix things; impossible? No, but it takes sometime and lots of effort, humility and strategy. I am not sure how many of us are willing to admit that it is not easy, not that it's an excuse for being a pain in the rear for the other party. Is someone able to explain to the feminine gender that as much as we try, we always want to be seen as to be doing something productive, contributing to the cause even when we are supposed to do nothing but sit back and wait. I've failed in that area and I am sure I will continue to fail as time goes by, I guess my consolation is that I've admitted to being at fault, admitted I am trying and admitted I'll probably fall back into the same mess; trying when am supposed not to.

Put it this way, if she takes you back then you know it's not that you were perfect but because she chose to do it. It had nothing to do with what you did, God knows we've burned most bridges.

Kman Productions.........................

New Beginning

walking along the pavement you realise that you've not achieved the goals you'd set the previous year, you are not about to achieve them either. There seems to be two thought trails offered by society, one being it's never too late, two forget the past and lower your goals to be more realistic. Whichever you chose you'll know that there is a mourning period where emotions flare from excitment and fear, depression sometimes may creep in. Looking back at the last 2 years there are things I'd like to erase but like history, you simply can't do it. The next best thing is to learn from the history and try and better yourself as time goes by. That is bette rsaid than done, attachement is one of the most dangerous things we could do, dependency on others is dangerous if not plain stupid, moronic is a more civil term.

You're young, that is a plus on your side and you can afford a few more failures before you exhaust your reserviour. The challenge that we face is in knowing when to get a new beginning, when to cut and run, forget the past however hard it may be, soldier on, when to try and hope live blinded by hope that something better can come out of it. Life simply sucks, that is a fact we all can attest to, somethings we can't control. Here's my take on things, you can never control or understand those around you but you can better yourself and control that which you can. Leave the rest to forces that be, worrying about things you cant change is futile. There are plenty of things I can change and I should focus on those. Hence the new beginning, I want a new beginning


Kman Productions........................