Perfect Date

Every guy has a dream date, the perfect girl in our minds. I believe in prepping before you venture out into dating. Reason I believe in this ritual is that like every task we take seriously, e.g. exams, we cram the nights before. So boys, prepare yourselves prior to engaging in conversations, you wouldn't want be humming songs when you're supposed to making them laugh. More importantly guys, learn how to dance. I am so tired of being stepped on by freaky dancers, last time I went out I had a few toes almost fractured and had my ribs bruised in the process. We should go back to the 17th century when they wore body armour; the metal wearing punks could dance without fear of being bruised. Have you walked to a club and the music is off the hook (nobody uses that lingo anymore, bare with me though) and you can feel the music down your soul. So you brave the empty floor and do start on the latest moves and slowly but surely other people trickle onto the floor. Soon the floor is almost packed and the ratio of women to men isn't perfect but with your skills you shouldn't have a problem getting a dancing partner (that's all you want, I'd hope). Unfortunately as most of you, know white people generally can’t dance, nothing against the lovely people (plain obvious).

Imagine being a knight, wait! Can't remember if knights wore this, that's besides the point I think. Back to my near death experience and a bit off topic from the 'perfect date' title. There I am in the club moving in what I hope is systematic to the rhythm; some young lady is gunning it too far. Then without warning, a sharp pain right through my foot through my back to the neck then BOOM! OOOuuch! You son-of-a......... Oops! I almost cursed at the poor girl but realised that she was probably doing what came natural, to step on someone sooner or later. Damn! Honeys, if you can’t dance don’t wear high heels; leave those to the JLo’s and Beyonces who can handle the dance and heel. Please! Limping and in pain I quickly make out of the dance floor and dash into the ambulance already waiting outside (how did they know, could Aussies be that bad of dancers). Well I didn't quite require paramedics but I did limp off the dance floor, had several shots of icy cold water before braving the floor again.
Got to finish this later, Oprah is on and I love the woman (You tell and I will kill you, no pan there). I should change the title,maybe later eh?
Kman Productions...............................................................

Penis Envy

For the love of God, spare me the black jokes about the loins. I've heard enough to drive me nuts, is that why we wear baggy clothes? I've been to with friends (white people) and somehow they bring up the stigma about black people. I thought that maybe this would be a joke for a short period but it seems like every time you hang out the topic will resurface. Who came up with this myth, how the hell does that always end up being the topic late at night? The next time some one looks at my shorts I will sock them, Jesus can't we talk about the weather anymore. How's this for a conversation from a workmate

Workmate: "Hey man Wassup?"

Me: "Hey man"

Workmate: "So what's this I hear about you guys is it true".

Me: I whisper to myself "Oh! Lord not that size thing, I'll kill this SOB. Hey man what are you talking about? Oh yeah we run like hell and we also don't easily gain weight" this is my way to divert the talk from the obvious uncomfortable chat.

Workmate: "Run? What the hell are you talking about; I mean the myth is it true?"

Me: Now am clearly sweaty and my cool is about to blow and the real me be revealed "I don't know what your talking about man and I have to get back to work. So how's your car dude, everything run well and your computer I could fix it for you know". By now the bugger has go wind of the situation and decides to back down for the day.

So what is all this penis envy that is so prevailant in these times, what is the threat? I even got junk mail on how to increase penis size. Could this be and epidemic that government funded research has been commissioned? Let's settle this once and for all, don't ask me is it's true. I don't sit by the urinal with racial score cards comparing and matching race to size. Maybe we should have an online poll, have this settled and never ask a brother again. So what?
So last night I stepped into the limelight and hit the club, there I was shaking my 'thang' some dude taps me on the shoulder and asks "hey bro, is it true?". Oh my God, are you for real?
Kman Productions

Give it another shot

So after a sad day out last week, we are going to up it a bit tonight. We don't have any study commitment for the next 4-5 weeks and idle minds have to be kept entertained. I am hoping that tonight will see fewer peolple in the local hang out joints, I don't like crowds (too much sweat and smoke). Sad to say that majority of the people I have seen going out also smoke, kinda makes the rest of us smoke too. Clothes will smell so bad that I ened up burning them, I am running out of clothes peoples. I can't keep up, at this rate I might be walking naked sometime soon. Solution, find a hang out where smoking is banned and the music blares like hell and I will be there 24-7.
My main concern for tonight however is the fact that I feel odd when I go out. It seems like everyone out there has just turned 18 and they can wait to leave their houses. Are there mature people in Sydney, am tired of getting into brawls with teenage punks, just because they can get drunk they think the rule the earth. Truth be told, I might be getting in trouble soon after I nail a teenager to the road and restructure some of the bone. On the other hand I guess we are to expect such behaviour from the young lads, they just got their freedom!
A sign that I am maturing faster than I wanted, I go out and get concerned when I see a overly drunk person. I am wondering how they are going to get home and will they get there safely. I should care at all really, I din't ask any of them to leave their homes did I ? Let us wait and see what tonight brings for Kman, will I be laughing again on the dance floor after yet another rejection or will this prove to be different?
Kman Productions.......................

Rejected! I?

Just when I thought things couldn't get any worse, I am given the back of the hand on the dance floor. A day after my exams, we decided to celebrate. The only way to do this is my uni area is raid a club and party for a few hours. Clubs don't run until the wee hours of the morning so one is able to make ot work. Most clubs are closed by 0030hrs, plenty of time to catch an evening meal at Mc D's before heading home. Wednesday night was meant to be a big night, most people were done with their exams and anxiety to party was evident, or so we thought.
We made to the club at around 2130hrs, but the was a State of Origin match on this night. The club had it's big screens all out and were broadcasting the match, the dance floor was empty. Two states in the country were glued to their screens or a screen in a bar somewhere. People here like their beers, so it's no wonder most pubs have cashed in on this desire for a drink. Huge plasma screen plaster the wall and what better way for men to enjoy, a football match, beer, second hand smoke, and best of all smelly toilets. After the match, we made it to the dance floor when as usual we'd broken records on dance moves and this wasn't gonna be any different. The usual glance around to lock on your next dancing partner is well mastered that it never fails. This was gonna be a different night though, dancing is part of who we are.
So my boys took one side of the floor and clearly were getting an audience and I took the other end of the floor. Word of advise, don't eat just before going dancing (especially for guys, don't over-eat). Long story short kman was rejected after asking a girl to dance, Kman! Never in life did I think that would happen, I was so surprised that I just burst into laughter (could have been self pity and embarrasement). Anyhow the next 2 requests too were turned down and I reviewed my option in this club just before we left for the next one. Lesson learnt? Am still pondering on what I did wrong, maybe this week I will not have such a bad stretch.
kman productions...........................................