My life,the truth about it

There is no glamour in my life here, just sad stories of struggle and struggle and my friends may never understand the strife in my life here.
People think that I am fortunate to have gone abroad seeking further education and to some extenct I might be. There is however a cost that comes with that and given I am not from the rich family, I struggle a lot to keep my debtors at bay. Today I just received an email that my Uni enrolment has been cancelled, no news there, it was bound to come sometime. I believe in justice but life sometimes can be cruel, but that is living. On some occassions I feel like I have been dealt with more than I can handle and giving up has never been far from my thoughts. How long can I struggle to pay my fees and yet hope to succeed academically? My mind has never been fully on my studies, 60% of my brain power concentrates on how to beat the deadline on the next bill, where to get my next session's fees. Every year I plunge into more and more debt all in the name of my education.
I do sincerely hope that I can get this done and over with, although my body can take a beating but my hope sure fades away everytime I get my enrolment cancelled. I am fed up, why couldn't I have staid at home and enjoyed govt funded education like my peers? Yes I'd have struggled after graduation but I'd have had 4 years of studying in peace. Out here, life is lonely and there very few people that would understand what I am going through. There have been people who have done it and there will be more who will go through the same ordeal if not worse. I do hope however that I can emerge stronger than I arrived here, just turned 19 when my whole life changed.
Life has never been normal for me and I think I am tired of hoping to live a normal life, you know enjoy life for once. Not worrying about checking the mail box because all I get are bills and more threats. I can't afford to live anymore and sometimes it seems like life for me is hopeless but I gotta fight on. Just a few more months and am done with my Uni for a few years anyway. I am not one to shed a tear but today I feel hopeless, it's as if someone poured cold water on me on a Winter morning. I may never enjoy my lectures because I know I could thrown out anytime, what can I do? God help me for am at the end of the line here, money is my one and only way out. I need money that I don't have, I don't want it but I do need it if am to ever graduate and use my knowledge. Just graduating would be nice and I wouldn't care if I got a job as a janitor, at least I would have a spare dollar every week to save for a pair of sock from St. Vincents or the Salvation Army. Life can be cruel at times and ..."God if you can hear me, I need your help, I have done everything I can but I can't go on like this..................