losing everything

It's funny how we never really understand what we value and those we love and are fond of. How many times have you been at the end of your tether, nothing seems to be working as it should; not that you can see. You are too pre-occupied with thoughts that you begin to make mistakes, pick fights where possible and your mood has taken over whether the weather left; you're unpredictable. One minute your jovial, the next life is ending and you really can't explain why. I think I have the answer, please note that this is not the usual whine that you've grown accustomed to. It's not until you realise that stress can ruin you that you begin to take necessary steps to prevent the inevitable on this disastrous path you've chosen. I guess it's only under pressure that the devil, flaws in us begin to creep through; trust me I know. You spend you entire life trying to be different and hopefully set an example only to realise you aint fooling anyone, you're just human after all. Somewhat there is a relief but yet disappointment has a way of finding you.

My biggest flaw is probably worrying too much, everything has to be systematic and in order; no surprises. Worrying blended with being a pessimist is a dangerous combination and even though everything else seems to be working, slowly but surely the cracks set in. A conversation I had a few days ago scared the hell out of me, why would I be so negative? Maybe it's good I have realised it now because then I can work on it. It may take time to correct but at least motion has been set, that's the beginnning.What are you to do in this sistuation, pride is to pretend everything is ok and carry on hoping people don't notice. The other way is admit you're full of shit, apologise and try and make amends. Easier said that done, ego is another cousin that will pop up the minute you think of admission; you can't admit!

They say desperate situations call for desperate actions, sometimes this is true but sometimes simply not worrying maybe the answer.Afterall what does worrying achieve, sleepless nights, moodyness etc etc, we all worry at some point but too much of it is dangerous; a lesson I have almost paid a heavy price for. Salvage mode now sets in and trying to correct the wrongs maybe the only logical step, relax (not easy either), take a deep breathe and ask yourself,"am I willing to pay the price?", if not then .....................................

Kman productions.........................

I guess this is what I do, write, we'll see if I can focus more and bring back the spark that was there when kman productions was set in motion.