How wrong I was

How many times have I said white people can't dance or black people are show offs? Stereotyping has been part of me for a very long time and it's time I got rid of such notions. You get to an age in life when you don't refer to a people but only to an individual, I guess that is what maturity is all about. So Monday is a clubbing night at my campus, so is wednesday, Friday, Saturday and sometimes Thursdays and Sunday too. One would argue that at my uni Tuesdays is the Sabbath, I haven't heard of people going out on Tuesday in the many years I've been there. So Monday I was going to try out some of the pick up lines I'd outlined in my last blog, none of them worked though. I still had one of the best nights in along time, I am suffering now for that much fun.
My kind of music isn't the Aussie kind and they prefer more of rock, country blend genre. My colour doesn't allow me to like these genres as I was inclined to like R&B and Rap from birth. I could listen to other genres but I feel @ home with these two, maybe I need to explore goth rock for a while. would I have to buy black though? I like some colour in my attire.
Anyway Monday I am shocked by a lady (white) that almost outpaced me on the dance floor. I can't divulge identity but I have to say that has never happened before. I have always found myself slowing down such as not to attract too much attention on the dance floor. Monday was great because I put it all on the floor and she too kept up. I should ask her to be my new dancing partner, maybe she was the one holding back. Here I am all smiles that I have danced in 4 years, the other times I just moved my feet to blend in with the uncoordinated crowd that frequents the clubs. Tonight I might also go out, who knows I might find another lady that can dance if not the same mystery woman that almost outpaced Kman .
With that I better find out if my mate is off work and whether he is going out too, he drives us around you see. I hate driving and at my age I think I should get my act together and get my license and car before the end of the year. Well maybe the license and then work on saving for the car. I could always rob a pensioner, they are so easy to scare off their money. How do you think I financed all my projects? Hehe
Kman Productions....................................

Pick up lines

Caffeine tablets that don't work, coffee that gives me heartburn and tea that is more like a sedative than a stimulant. These are what I have had to endure as I tried to conquer sleep for a week, how long can a man/woman(bloody feminism) go without sleep and still function properly? I would pay to be in that experiment, yes pay $$ to be the guinea pig for such tests. Last week was one hell of a week, I had so many tasks due that I need about 9 days in the 5 weekdays of that week. In simple terms I needed not to sleep to accomplish this tasks on time and hopefully quality work too. In my deranged state I decided to explore a different aspect of life, pickup lines.
Women have been lucky that majority if the corny lines uttered are towards them and they rarely make asses of themselves. Then again I have a victim of corny lines too, doesn't often but it does. I went full out on this search and may have found some of the supposedly top 10 best and worst of them all. The only problem is that now am tempted to use these tonight as we celebrate it being a Monday. We are college students and we don't need a reason to go out on a weekday, Monday for that matter. 10 best pick up lines I got as listed on http://www.askmen.com/dating/dating_top_ten/35b_dating_list.html

10. I was wondering if you have a moment to spare for me to hit on you?
Women are always saying they want guys with a sense of humour and I think this would certainly earn you aminute or two of her time. That is until her annoying over protective friend tag along, they just have ruin it for everybody. Don't you just hate it when you have to pass the girlfriends test, before you can get a dance. We aren't looking for marriage a simple conversation and maybe a dance, we got too much uni work to take it to the next level
09. What's a sexy woman like you doing in a dirty mind like mine?
I think this one is kinda corny and most wouldn't fall fall for it, women by the way don't fall for pick up lines. I have learnt that they just let you think your good and you keep making an ass out yourself and then when you meet the next day on campus you can't face them. Learn through experience people, my experience is to keep your lines for your mirror at home. They are too smart and it's we realise this boys and girls.
08. Do you work for UPS? I could have sworn I saw you checking out my package.
Yet again this is self explanatory but I think she will be smiling even at your candid approach, I am sure a dance wouldn't be too far off. I'd hope not!
07. Who's your friend?
Now this is a good one, I should go try this this evening. Picture the girl you like for the evening and then approach her asking for the friend's name. Firstly she might be quick to tell you but then after it hits her (especially since she is better looking than her friend) she will want to know what was wreong with her. "Once she asks whats wrong with me" then boy you better have prepared a response and don't start drawing maps or spilling drinks all over your hands. I'd suggest if you must have a drink, have a bottle or you're really clumsy have an IV direct to the counter.
06. I'm new in town and can't find my way around; could I have directions to your place?
What can I say this is plain silly, I wonder how it got to be here?
05. I may not be the best-looking guy in here, but I'm the only one talking to you.
Being down to earth is a quality few handsome men posses, they tend to think that because they are good looking they don't have to be nice and all that 'nicety' stuff. Now Unless your good looking, please don't use this line for you could infact be an ugly mother and you oughta be auditioning for horror flicks. The idea is to get her to see your not arrogant.
04. You must be Jamaican, because Jamaican me crazy.
Boyish lines may always get a giggle and she might let you buy her a drink, bringing me to my next point. Why the hell do we have to buy drinks and pick up tabs whenever you meet a new lady at a venue. I am not buying another meal for a while and as a matter of fact I will be hoping to get a free drink myself. Once in a while the ladies should turn the tables and surprise us. Worth a try eh? Fellas?
03. What's your name?
This is simple, you would never go wrong with this one that is unless you had your mouth marinated in garlic or cess for the last few days. we should go back to the simplistic days once in a while.
02. See my friend over there? He wants to know if you think I'm cute.
I think this ine is actually a cute line, you will have her feeling obligated to respond positively and you shouldn't have problems getting a cool 5 minutes of conversation. The 5 minutes you have may determine your fate for the night, depending on your motives. I always suggest keep it simple express interest and I would recommend pickin up at clubs isn't the best way to do it, then again am old school.
01. So what haven't you been told tonight?
Every average+ looking woman in any venue has had a few lines thrown her way and she probably doesn't more crude humour or lame lines for another week or so. This I think would create a comfortable environment and you would be surprised by the level of interest you might arouse from the lady in question.
TEN WORST
10. Hey, I was just thinking of you! Okay, I'm all cleaned up now though."
09. How would you like your eggs for breakfast: scrambled, boiled or fertilized?"
08. What do you say we go back to my place and do some math? Add the bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and multiply!"
07. You might as well sleep with me because I'm going to tell everybody we did it anyway."
06. Hey babe, do you know that my bedroom is soundproof?"
05. Oh, I'm sorry, I thought that was a Braille name tag."
04. I just want to tell you that you have a price to pay for being this cute, and I'm here to collect... your phone number, that is."
03. Did you know women are like parking spots? All the good ones are taken and the rest are handicapped. Which are you?
02. Can I buy you a drink or do you prefer the cash instead?"
01. If you've lost your virginity, can I ----------------------------------------------------------?"

Joke 1 was too rude to print on this blog and you can use your imagination, but for those of you who smoked too much weed, just forget joke 1 was there.
Disclaimer...
Kman takes no responsibility for any black eyes, groin kicks or facial scaring that may result from the use of any of the material listed above. However I do take credit and copyright any happy endings that you might receive after using these corny lines. Drop us a line and let us know what other lines you think might be worth putting on this list, let's build a library for men to make fools of themselves (I included).

Kman Productions.........................

New generation Men; lonely too

I have always had the atmost respect for married young people, I don't know how they do it. I guess some of us are meant to procreate early and provide us with tax payers throughout our lives. As sad as it may be true I think I have made a crucial decision that I have seen many of my peers make, take a career path and postpone families. Kudos to those who can juggle both career and families because Kman can't do it, I dream of a time when I will be asked to travel at a moments notice not have to worry about a family being left behind. This life is good for go getters but is also very lonely, we can't have both.
We might be on the verge of total materialism but in the end it should pay off, start at family after 30 or even maybe 35. The only problem with this is there will be a gap between our retiring and our children being eligible to pay taxes. Paradox I'd say, we get to enjoy freedom but later in life might miss out on crucial taxes to keep governments running. More on this topic later..
Kman Productions.......................................

Love and Hate

Life oh life why deal me a blow I can't bare, enough of moaning and complaining here are some of the hings I fail to understand

plastic surgery: a man or woman will undergo the knife to take years of their face and yet one can always tell they have had surgery. Never have I seen anyone that looks good after plastic surgery unless they are for medical reasons eg burn patient.

Breast implants: Guys really don't care that much whether it double d (whatever that means), all a guy wants is to be appreciated. There are women guys fantisize about and there are those we marry.Get the implants and we may whistle as you passby but for a wife, you aint it.

white women getting lip jobs: You got thin lips live with it, you got better chnahces of getting jobs anyhow. Lets face it white women are attractive fact of life and the minute they go for fuller lips they lose plot.

Black women: I got nothing to say or I might end up in hospital for this and not get a wife hehe.

Black young men: African American blokes dress gangsta and we in the desert follow suit, hood in Australia during summer is like sleeping next to a heater.We want be cool but lets face it, we need vests not oversized clothes. Please note I do have my fair share of papa sized clothes, for clubbing that is.

Black people: You ever wonder why many blacks are poor and may never make it finacially? We buy too much superficial stuff, bling from head to toe and yet they send debt collectors after us. The white people don't dress fancy all the time but they invest ther pennies for the future, then they can take those vacations later in life. We on the other hand have to have the latest lables.

University Education: How many people do we have that have gone through uni not knowing a damn thing? How much cheating takes place on campus? Who learns anything anyhow, I haven't learnt jack, just how to juggle stress and lack of sleep to produce a half assed essay in 2 hrs.

Love: Is there really only one person that you can be happy with or is this a fools fable to keep you hopeful that all the chances you've lost were destined for doom. What is it with older men going for younger women and vice versa? Aren't age-mates compatible and can friends be ever more than friends? Is it worth risking losing that friendship while attempting for something greater?

Why can't you be happy when someone else is happy and your still struggling, wouldn't you expect them to be happy for you?

How long should you wait before judging whether you like someone and who is to say who makes the first move?

Could I have missed out on life while I claimed I was furthering my education? How do you balance your academics with your life or are some of us meant for academic persuit and others meant to enjoy life? What is enjoying life?

Should you break up a relationship just because you like one of the couple, opposite sex I'd hope?

Why does the Catholic church still snub condoms when they could save lives? Shouldn't life triumph over religious believes? Why do some priests touch young boys, isn't it time they were allowed to have an outlet maybe marry?

Is is better to love and lose or not to love at all? Why do we regret after the opportunity has gone?

Is love selfish or can you love someone enough to let them go so that they can have a better life elsewhere? Is that stupid or just an excuse we use because we screwed up weren't bold enough to let our feelings.

Why do we men think we can protect women? They did survive before we met them(I don't mean creation).

Why do always have to buy a lady a drink when I go out? Can I ever expect a free cuppa when I go out, or would she offer to pull me a seat at a restaurant?

Why do feminists cry foul yet during elections they vote for men?

Why?
kman productions....................

Jessica Warigia

My primary school mates probably don't know this about me; I'd pay to see all of them in good health and doing well. I would buy tickets for a re-union, not to go brag about my career choice but to tell them what I really thought of them. There were those I couldn't stand and those with whom I spent most of my time. Primary school for me was hard because I was forced to lead a life that wasn't mine, I had to show off to be noticed or be counted as hip. I know that this happens even today and will still happen centuries to come. My only regret was telling people that I liked that I did like them. I have little if any hint of where most if not all are, I only keep in touch with one girl, woman now.
A girl by the name Jessica Warigia fell for some of the worst ridicules in our second last year of school. As sad as it would be I was part of that self righteous band of cool boys who walked on clouds, only difference was I pretended to walk on clouds. Earlier this year word reached me that this young lady had succumbed to ill health and pass away. Whatever future she may have had was snuffed out, ill health isn't discriminative. How I wish I had apologised for being such a bastard, then again I knew no better (not an excuse). I think as I grow older I realise that I should find the people I was rude to in school and extend my apologies and admit to being a jerk. Kman has always been a wonna be and I have stepped on a lot of toes to try and fit in with the right crowd; that was until I left home.
I have moved from being a wonna be to seeing the wonna be's become nothing but ordinary miserable bastards. I didn't want to end up like such idiots and surely life has thrown me a life-line in the form of hardship and daily struggle to rid me of the pride I possess. Jessica Warigia, if only I had apologised for my stupid behaviour, I wouldn't be feeling the guilt I do now. How sorry I am that she passed away and in her honour I swore to build a site for my former schoolmates, a place we could keep in and seek forgiveness where needed. Most of all keep in touch with lost friends, I do hope that one day I will see some of my classmates we may not necessarily be friends anymore. I will eventually get the site up and running and it will be grand in honour of Jessica, I sure hope that no-one else will pass before I can apologise and live in peace. I hope my schoolmates have learnt and grown up to be better citizens and that life is kind to them even as it teaches us to be tolerant.
Kman Productions..........................

Garlic Breathe

Garlic has been linked to helping aid ease colds or strengthen our bodies against certain kinds of colds (common cold ie.). I think scientists have given men, older men a better reson to eat more garlic than just to fight colds. Viagra came into the market a while back has been claimed to be the miracle drug for age striken males. For your own benefit please read no further is the topic of sex is taboo for you, read my other posts........................................................................................................
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Still with me, brace yourself for a laugh and maybe some education in the process. Reading the paper the paper has been common place for me, not for the news but for the funny akward stories they run from time to time. Yesterday was not dissapointing either, the Daily Telegraph (Sydney) ran an interesting piece about the added benefits of garlic, like stinky breathe isn't enough. It so happens that some scientists have found a link between garlic and blood flow, now for those of us who are living and not ignorant, that spells one thing for me. More blood flow will help in their bedroom antics. I really haven't gone beyond that article to verify this so called new discovery but rest assured I will be very much interested in future discoveries about garlic.
We all know garlic does more than wade off dracula, potential dates also fall through this indiscriminative net of 'garlicism'. Ease on the garlic has always been advised by those in the dating scene, but the again they now have after dinner mints. I guess our main concern is the before after dinner mints mints. ie how the hell do you keep your breathe fresh long enough such that the after dinner mints are a booster shot? Back to the wonders of garlic, these scientists have stated that just consuming more garlic isn't sufficient to induce the added blood flow benefit;a relief to most people I'd assume. The claim that the compounds in garlic just aren't enough to fully cause change and that suppliments may be required.
Important concept here could be that we are meant to buy garlic suppliments in droves and increase sales for the pharmaceutical companies. This could likely be the case and hence I am always sceptical of any new natural obtainable compound only being available in useful dosages only in tables/capsule/powder(for snotters hehe) form. So the next time your man is goes out of their way to add garlic to every meal including garlic spread at breakfast, don't worry but realise there could be problems. On the other hand they could trying to avoid any future calamities, male pride could be at stake here.
Kman has decided to dropout of college and exploit the new market for garlic, there are coffee plantations worldwide and it's time we had a garlc plantation for the sake of future generations.

Kman Productions...............................

common sense isn't that common

"Use your common sense", "oh my God, that's common sense", how often have you uttered hose wrd or heard them uttured? In my few year on this earth, I have been asked a million times to employ my senses in the common way. The question however is why do you still multitudes of people still behaving like apes (maybe too harsh). Catch a bus in the morning and you will be lucky to find anyone that is jovial. Understandably none of us wants to leave the comfort of our bed, that is unless you have exams like me and can't sleep much. My main concern is aroused when the bus seats are full and people have to stand in the bus. The first standing passenger will get in, pay their fare and proceed to remain near the entrance. For some reason this is fine, next stop two more people will get in and they too will insist on lurking near the entrance. At the next stop the people there will can't make it through the aisle since passengers before don't want to move to the back of the bus.
I being the man full of common sense will try and paddle through the obstacle course of idiots lined up to get to the back of the bus. By then you'd think that they would get the picture and follow suit, how wrong. I pity the passengers who can't get into the bus and may get to work late just beacuse some idiot doesn't see the logic in moving to the back of the back. It's now like they are getting off 2 stops from their pickup, they are going to Sydney city, 30 min+ away. Hence I can conclude that common sense isn't that common. Maybe we should special classes introduced in school whose main intention is to instill in us these common senses.
You're walking along a path and their are people coming from the opposite direction, nothing amazing about that;just people walking. As you approach each other you realise that the other party will not move to their designate side of the path and two questions run through your mind. Are they gonna jump me or do they seriously think I will move onto the grass fo them? Back at home it was common courtesy to give way to another persion, that is to a resonable extent. In Sydney, Australia people don't think like that, it's a 'me' 'me' mentality and you have to give way for me. So the couple approaches and you decide for the sake of common decency to step aside as they brush by you. This isn't as annoying as the fact that un your act you have just stepped in dog Poo/shit, now you will smell of dung all day. Walk by the public park clean your second hand shoes and back to your routine, stepping aside for morons. How hard is it to keep to the left of a path. For those who have not been to Sydney, the footpath / pavement / curb is wide enough for at least two adjacent normal size people to pass without brushing each other.... Yet you will still find people that expect you to move for them, why is it that a couple holding hands expects me (just because am alone) to move aside and risk stepping on dog poo. Love might be blind but it sure isn't gonna scoop off my shoes, my suggestion remove curbs and replace them with escalators or moving curbs in opposite directions. This way you will never have to worry about landing in shit as you give way to the love birds or the overweight idiots doing their run in your space.
Kman Productions