You don't fool me!

It's morning and you hurriedly run for the bus, you slept in and as such breafast is out of the question. What's breakfast compared to and extra 15min of morning sleep? We all know how sweet sleep is an hour before you're due to wake up. If your like me, you purposely set your alarm early for the chance to snooze for those precious 10 minutes. Try setting your alarm an hour earlier and you will enjoy that hour, love it! You've just made it at the bus stop and your haste you trip as you board the bus, no biggie we all do it sometimes. On the bus, you're bound to find people, some are reading, some catching up on sleep (guilty as charged!), some busy scrolling their ipod playlist (walkmans for the older generation), and some just idly gazing into the blue and before staring at you for the whole trip. Let's focus on the readers for now, why is it we think we can defy Newton's laws of motion when we are standing on a bus? We will later comeback these idle staring individuals.

Who doesn't know that an object remains at constant velocity provided there is not external force? Inertia people, I thought suits were signs of intelligence, obviously not. You've seen the guy with harry porter novel, holding for his dear life with one hand, carrying a grocery bag on one and holding the book on the other. Mmmmmh! Last I checked we have a pair of hands, so how does he manage to hold onto the bus overhead rail? I know, place the novel aside until you get a seat. Now that would be common sense, so I'd think. But wait! Let go of the railing and enjoy the book while keeping an eye out for the frozen dinner I will be having tonight. The bus gets to the lights and which abrutply turn red, inertia politely obliges and you're flying through the isle, bowling into everybody else. "I am so very sorry", is all you can fathom.

Are you sorry? You know you should hold on when your standing and what so captivating in those pages that your teeth are expendible? Hold on buster, I am not your restraint and next time you bump into me you will lose your "precious".

Kman Productions...............................

Milk please

Back in high school, I took biology and I don't mind saying I was quite the nerd in the subject. Mathematics to this day has been my worst subject, oh wait! Programming has crept to be my nightmare, dragging me behind even on campus, I'd have graduated by now. God-damn programming, that was before I discovered........................(highly illegal stuff). Back to my love for biology, I should have taken Medicine, been a doctor, too late now and I love my new found hobby; spending all my life in Uni.

The human body as we should be aware requires 'food' to function normally, common sense I'd assume. Back in my days, we used to have chips/French fries for most of the week and we did fine, didn't get ill at all and most of all didn't gain weight. Back then, milk was milk from a damn cow and was full cream. Fast forward to 2005 and I get confused when I go shopping,

low fat
no fat
98% fat
full cream
25% fat
omega
A2 (now)
lactose free
SOY GOD_DAMN MILK eew!

More like soy juice but we all know SOY JUICE wouldn't sell so we had to call it SOY MILK to appeal more to our health conscious buddies. Ice cream too has taken on these many faces, full cream, low fat, shit you know the thousands of options we have. Back to milk and soy juice, are there people that still drink whole milk or have we all converted to 'milk' that really isn't quite milk. Nutritionists have urged us to watch what we consume and for the skinny few left (I included), we can no longer enjoy a full fat meat, without that guilty feeling . How much milk would one be consuming gain weight? How do you gain weight from milk in the first place? Are we that lazy that a couple of glasses of milk a week will raise our obesity probability?

Could we be sucking too much on candy that we think milk is the culprit? Think for a moment, anybody that is trying out on anything other than full cream could testify to the repulsive, almost cardboard taste. Jesus people! How long must I go shopping in the dark so that you don't stare at my shopping trolley? Full cream milk, full cream Ice-cream, coke (not diet!), white bread, white rice, white pasta.

Oh! That is not good for you, try whole meal pasta, rice, whole-grain bread, chew on dried fruit (what in the hell!), drink 8 glasses of water and don't drink off the tap but buy it(mmh, go figure), have a salad for lunch (I need the energy, grass will not do it), fresh juice (no cordial), no junk food(what what about the colonel, Ronny & Jack?). What is the purpose of living if you can't indulge in some of life's adventures (eat whatever)? Someone tell this pricks to eat well really enjoy themselves, I doubt it. Can't you enjoy wnjoy what you eat, gotta make those funny faces eew! Just because it's good for you doesn't mean we live on it, coffe can be beneficial too. Would that mean consuming gallons of it daily, who eats anough ice cream in one sitting to get fat? Anyone eating that amount of ice cream will get fat even though they eat grass, damn ratio is what counts, not whether it's 0.00000001 fat content. I can't cook food in my house without calculating the grams of fat in the oil, damn 2 tea spoons of oil and am still concerned. People!

I am all for healthy living but living your life to the very fibre and calorie is messed up.( I could use more figurative words but not today). Why would we have kidneys and a liver? Does my memory fail me or aren't these organs there for a reason? Dying at 80 with kidneys of a 20 year old, what's the point. Maybe if we steered off the sun as much as we do fat, we might not have leather like skin in our 40s.

Only and idiot buys a 250mile/hr car in a 80mile/hr speed limit country, I'd think that applies to those 'nutritionists' urging us all to venture into TOFU land. Someone shove a pencil down my throat, tofu in place of meat? SOY BURGERS, SOY SAUSAGES, SOY MILK, SOY EVERYTHING. What is wrong with meat?

OOOOOOOH! Dare you buy meat, you animal! They should be killed humanely, it's a goat, cow, zebra etc Oh! I forgot they too have rights, OOPS! Exercise people, leave the car at home and enjoy full cream and you will never go back to that salad eating and calorie counting shitty routine you call eating. But OOH NO! SOY is the new black, black this! (middle finger salutes you).

Kman Productions.............................................

Concentrate boy

Why do I always slide in silly idiotic sentences in my conversations with a girl? You meet a girl, you like her, the conversation begins. Nervous as you are you manage to hold your cool for a few minutes, the crucial minutes I might say. After a while you are relaxed and the conversation flows for a while and while you wind things through, you say something stupid! Let me embarrass myself and maybe help some poor brothers out there, here's what I managed to slide through the conversation "Are you high maintainance", what!!!! Yeah, my jaw dropped and there is no comeback from that fellows. Allow me to elaborate what my intentions were, I was planning of a dinner sometime, nothing major but a get to know dinner. Nervous, and fearing a no I wasn't sure how to put it forward, common I'd say given the situation. Ideally my question was to find out what sort of restaurant would be appropriate, so how did I think of high maintenance?

Let's face it, sometimes you loose your cool when confronted by a pretty face; I know I have. So is there a comeback from something this silly,idiotic and potentially breaking? I don't know, so far the dinner is still set and I am yet to decide on a restaurant; never the bar to high boys. I am in no shape or position to give advise on this one fellows, only time will tell. However, focus before you say anything, try and think before you say anything and if she likes you she might ignore the stupid things you say. Who knows?
Kman Productions.................

I will call you

You apply for the job, attend the interview and then they tell you that they will call you. Now, if your like me, you can already tell that you didn't get that job and aren't too eager for the call. However there are times when you think you've aced the interview and expect that call anytime over the next week. Let's play the waiting game, on the home team potential employer, the challenger little old you. It's time you realise the employer can do without you and there are better people than you everywhere you go. This attitude helps you accept that rejection email they send you, the bastards could even bother printing the rejection.
We acknowledge your interests and expertise.....but those chosen have potrayed more ......., basically this is equivalent to, "you suck, loser! L-O-S-E-R! Take heart my son/ daughter/ niece/ nephew (gotta be politically correct in this era) there is a loser worse than you.

Now comes the worse part, one of your new found mates signals that they will call you. Yeah right! Again if your like me, you'd expect the call within the next 2 days and every minute after that you can hear the phone ring; the one in your head. Why the heck did they mention they were gonna call and didn't? Ever sat by the phone like a baffon waiting for that call, 1,2,3,4 hours only to realise you didn't have to cancel going window shopping (dress well and go to the ridiculousy overpriced stores, jeans shorts for $200). You'd imagine these pants would wash themselves and air themselves and while in the house do the dishes and dust the house, mmh! to be cont................
Kman productions..............

New world order

Words can't explain this one;liquid gold indeed.

Social Madness

"These days there is nothing educational on TV", "Oh there is so much rubbish on TV", "I don't let my kids watch TV past these time". Parents venting out against the family unfriendly enviroment they feel the current broadcasting companies have taken. In a free society where the masses determine what is to be aired, educational shows may not make the cut. Documentaries are being run with the aim of proving that this generation is more violent that the previous lot. Psychologists have mentioned that we ape what we see and the shows and movies produced encourage violence. The current graphics on most games are as real as they get anything better you'd be on the battle line itself.
The question posed is whether the govt. is responsible for the 'rubbish' that makes it to the air? Should we be deprived our daily dose of violence just because some kid might imitate what he/she saw the night before on Buffy the Vampire Slayer? My favourite was Rambo, I remember those wooded guns. I know they didn't resemble anything close to a gun but to us that was as close as it got. Along came William Tell, the cross-bow season had arrived and we did build our version of these deadly weapon. Somehow we managed to get the equipment to design an almost replica of the weapon and target practice was inevitable. At this age I hadn't completely mastered weaponry and mistakes did occur in our preparation. After being satisfied our craftsmanship was adequate, we loaded the cross-bow and before long my eye was the target. Unfortunately for me we didn't have a safety switch on our version of the weapon and a slight change in the wind was enough fire the arrow.
Ignorance is in every child and I could have lost an eye but should the government have banned such shows? Why did my parents let me watch the shows if they were afraid of the violence I might learn and practice? Remember the former WWF (wrestling)? My little brother was the victim of many Tomb-stone manouvers; thank God nothing happened to him. Now that I think of it there is less violence than during my days and maybe there should be a limit to the violence. I've had near misses with my kid brother as I tried to imitate my hero; Bret the Hitman Heart, even my mother loved him. Bret was 'sexy' so they claim and I wanted to be just like him, poor little brother had to be my victim. I surely think parents are responsible for what their kids watch and in democratic society unfortunately the corporate giants rule the waves not the protective parents. You think there is rubbish on TV, get your kids books and let the masses have their daily intake of violence.

Kman Productions..................................................

nod of death

Your on the bus and after a long day dozing will generally be considered natural, pity the fool that hits his/her head the railing. I have the bad habit of obvserving people as they nod and come into close proximity of knocking a few teeth loose or sustaining bruises on their heads. Call me a sadist (I have been labled that for many years, no biggie!) but regardless of how miserable you are you will get a laugh and hopefully cheer up for a few minutes. The gentleman infront of me on the bus was a typical example of a man under fatigue, Ipod on and laptop on his lap and of course the doze that could possibly leave him with a concusion. Slightly embarasing for the lady next to him because on more than one occasion he made it to her bossom, what sight to wake up to (however inappropriate this may have been for him).
Why is it that we can never bang our heads on even when we are in deep sleep (Most people that is, I have bruised myself on many occassion at home), just when you are about to plunge to your death you wake up (even though only momentariry, enough to get you back to the upright position). This time another attempt is made to see how far you will go before you reset your neck and general body position upright. I'd suggest a harness for those of us who sometimes will fall victim to fatigue and we all know motion is dizzying if not a lullaby. I am one of those who are better of the driver's seat because the minute I am in motion I am dead asleep in 10 minutes and accidents then would need an excuse to follow moi. Hence I don't drive, but I will be behind the wheel by the end of year. I am working on the caffeine injection design that will keep me alert as long as am driving. Maybe a pebble on the seat might do the trick, don't you hate pebbles in your shoes? They always let you know they are there, but how the hell do they get there?
Kman Productions.............

Parenting & Hurricane

Could parenting be taught in colleges? I don't think so but I think some parents need the boot, straight up the rear end. My trip to Uni was rather frustrating and annoying, children scream and the guardian (father I'd assume did nothing). True there are those kids that might be beyond help and the only out for the parents is Jim Beam or Scotch but this was beyond me. How is it that 2 children can drive a whole carriage of adults insane and none of us says anything? If it only these were my days, these kids would have received a good spank; and the journey would have been peaceful.

I have to admit that kids will always have extra energy and it's hard for most parents to keep up, especially with most parents trying to shed a few pounds and going on crush diets. How about dedicate a few carriages to the screaming and the hearing impaired, maybe one for the smelly ones (have u been caught unaware by some poor homeless dude in your carriage?) and maybe for one for people like me (whinging our lives away).

On a more serious note, I assume parents now are having a harder time raising their kids with all these regulations from the government. Should parents not comply, they risk having their children put in foster care. Has anyone ever scrutinised these foster homes? Some breed thugs and I doubt majority of the kids are better off. Sure there are people who aren't fit to live let alone be parents but it's absurd how the legislation is used to monitor parenting.

I was whinging about noisy kids but obviously that has been lost in the midst of more whinging. Hurricane Katrina surely has the world questioning the American response, in the movies did we have them immobilise search and rescue in a matter of hours? I remember very well in the Volcano Tommy Lee was there guiding the evacuation, even worse this was a volcano under the city and no one was sure what would happen. A hurricane warning is given and people still remain in their homes, silly, optimistic or plain arrogant? Media coverage has been unprecedented but why is less being done than during the Tsunami?

Citizens of other countries are blaming their own governments of doing little to rescue their fellow citizens. Australians too have fallen in this government blame-shifting tactic that has seen their government take defensive action. The opposition leader has bee quoted to have said that their diplomats and government troops should jump American helicopters to rescue Australians. Would anyone doubt the intellect of such utterings, break American laws to rescue people who ignored the warnings. They are tourists who opted to experience natures thrill ride, and you want to jeopardise international relations to rescue them? Would you leave the other foreign citizens behind? Oh! I see, each man for himself

Kman productions..............

Africans, Worth anything?

What characterizes genocide and how many deaths are acceptable before international intervention is expected? Sure we should learn to be self sufficient, how else do we develop as a people? Ethnic cleansing has been used in many regions of Africa,to get a super race or tribe. Hitler's idea was to rid the world of inferior races, just lie some African groups have done. Rent Hotel Rwanda and it becomes apparent how much an African life is worth in times of conflict.
Who are Africans to turn to when their own people decide they are not worth of living? Could this explain why so many in the continent are religious and believe in God. Let's face it, many have no one to believe in, they have seen the atrocities man has unleashed on his own people. Read the papers and everyday there is civil war in some part of Africa,my homeland. Tears of the Sun,Hotel Rwanda and many more titles give an idea of the plight of Africa. However, as much as they are aimed at the box office, some truth about Africa is evident. A continent that needs more than prayers and donations, we need change and and I don't know how this will come about.
Kman Productions......................

Never ending Story

Ten years ago talking to a girl without popping a blood vessel was unimaginable, remember the sweaty palms and tremble? Yeah well maybe for you it was when you were 10, actually then I was more concerned with girl germs than anything else. The all to familiar wiping a seat to avoid getting infected, coming to think it I more like 8 years old. Eew! He was talking to a girl, YUCK! Fast forward, some 14 years later and you couldn't wait to ................................

Anyway I thought I'd out-grow some of these silly traits, getting nervous, sweaty palms (give me a sec as I wring my keyboard), lose of words,eagerness etc. Is it still normal to get nervous? I'd have thought that was boyish behaviour in our adolescence years, remember the breaking voice? My favouite was beginning a conversation in low bass and halfway through you've stepped through tones never discoverd before;never thought my vocals could go that high. Before you know it, they are hot women walking around you (previously germ ridden, now they are HOT!). I vividly remember that phase, the beginning of designer clothes collections (didn't care when mum got the money, I wanted them). Nothing has changed, I still want designer clothes and maybe the biggest step has been I pay for them. Remember telling mum, "I hate you?", just because she couldn't afford to feed you and satisfy Tommy Hilfiger cravings, that was when I converted to NIKE (just do it convert) much cheaper I thought.

Here I am, just like a ten year old nervous that I am about to call a girl. The usual signs are their, I have the paramedics on stand-by, my brown bag just incase I hyperventilate. Whos idea was it to have a brown bag that you breathe in when you get nervous? Logically you will be inhaling more C02 than normal, result? MORE HYPERVENTILATION! Back to my little ordeal here, the clock is ticking and I will dial eventually. Mouthful of scotch may help but then it may slur speech too, maybe a mouthful of water, parched throat is another sign of nervousness and could spell disaster.Even got the shakes now, that could be from heavy drinking too (only problem I never drink that much or that often either).

Glad to see these things may never change and as years pass by even though I am more confident, the rush is still there. 'Kinda' ok because it ups the stakes slightly, if I blow this it's back to more studying and trying to build a linux server (personally am kinda tired of the latter). I'd say the stakes are way up there, wouldn't you?

Kman Productions.........................
PS
I know this narrative is incoherent, if you haven't realised it by now am quite edgy and jumpy today.Dreading that phone call in 30 min,I need to change my jumper soon; sweaty as can be.Thank goodness for cotton and deodrant, don't know what I'd do..........